Being the curious adventures of
Theodore the Red Knight in his
quest of the Third Cup, of his
faithful companion Alice, of the
Old Lady who lived in a shoe
behind a high tariff wall, and
divers quaint and lively persons,
all comprising a veritable Theodyssey
of incidents, set down
in simple third terms
REPRINTED FROM
The Evening Post
NEW YORK
Alice was half-way through her cereal when the Red Knight came in andpicked out a place at the same table facing her. He flung his coat overtwo hooks on the wall upside down. He then took a piece of chalk fromhis pocket and drew a ring on the floor and threw his hat into it.
"Good morning, sir," said Alice, who never forgot her manners under anycircumstances.
"Good evening," said the Red Knight, as he opened his newspaper andbegan reading the last paragraph in the last column on the last page.
"But it isn't evening," said Alice. "Why, I am just having my breakfastbefore going to school."
"If you were a friend of mine, you'd know what I mean," said the RedKnight, and turned to the Mad Waiter, who was holding out the bill offare for him to read. The Mad Waiter was a progressive waiter. He was soprogressive that he would always be serving people with their supperbefore they had finished ordering lunch.
"I'll begin with a third cup of coffee," said the Red Knight. "Then youcan bring me a second cup if it's not too cold. I am sure I don't wantthe first cup at all today."
"Thank you, sir," said the Mad Waiter. "The ham and eggs is very finetoday."
"That just suits me," said the Red Knight.
"Too bad," said the Mad Waiter. "Perhaps you'll have a chop, withpickles and a boiled potato."
"Bully!" said the Red Knight.
"Why, then, there's the cold salmon as many people likes to have a tasteof in the morning," said the waiter.
"Under no circumstances will I eat cold salmon," said the Red Knight,bringing his fist down on the table with such force that Alice let herspoon fall to the floor. The Mad Waiter disappeared, and almostimmediately returned with a plate of cold salmon, of which the RedKnight partook heartily, washing it down with two steaming cups ofcoffee. As Alice was gathering up her books before setting out forschool, the Red Knight turned to the waiter and said, "Now bring me thefirst cup."
"But you said you were sure you didn't want a first cup," cried Alice,with some show of spirit.
"That doesn't mean I can't have a first cup without sugar in it, doesit?" said the Red Knight, as he picked up the sugar-bowl and threw it atthe Mad Waiter.
Soon they came to the top of the hill and Alice saw a large, heavy manwith a genial smile standing on the lawn of the White House.
"That," said the Red Knight with a frown, "is a deceptive candidate forthe Presidency."
"Why do you call him deceptive?" said Alice.
"Because he always says what he means," replied the Red Knight.
"Bu