Produced by Daniel Fromont
[Transcriber's note: Mrs. Hungerford (Margaret Wolfe Hamilton)(1855?-1897) "How to marry well" (from The Ladies' Home Journalvol. VII No IV Philadelphia March 1890 p.6)]
The Duchess
How to marry well
Some girls start in life with the idea that to snub the opposite sex isthe surest way of bringing it to their feet. All such imaginings arevain! A man may be amused by the coquettish impertinences of a girl, hemay even be attracted by it to a certain extent, but in the end hefeels repulsion, and unless it be the exception that proves the rule,hastens away presently to lay his name and fortune at the disposal ofsome more modest girl.
To marry well is the note that strikes more clearly on the brain ofthe débutante's mother than on the ear of that interesting personherself. A girl starting in life feels all the world is before herwhere to choose. She gives, indeed, too little thought to the subject.She comes fresh from the schoolroom into the crowded drawing-room,thinking only how best to enjoy herself. The thought of marriage, ifnear, is yet so far, that it hardly interferes with her pleasure in thewaltz, the theatre, or the eternal afternoon tea.
It is a pity that the educational standard fixed for young girlsnow-a-days is of so low an order. A smattering of French, a word or twoof German, an idea of what music really means, as gained from a threeyears' acquaintance with scales and movements, and songs withoutwords—this is all! There is, of course, a good deal of reading withscientific masters that serves only to puzzle the brains half given tothe matter in hand, and then the girl is emancipated from theschoolroom, and let loose upon society to "be settled in life," saysMamma.
Some of these girls do marry well—surprisingly so! But they areamongst the few. As for the rest, they make their own lives and theirhusband's a burden to them. Without having time given them to maturetheir ideas, these latter are hurried into matrimony while stillchildren, without having formed a conception of the terribleresponsibility that attaches itself to every human soul who agrees tojoin itself to another.
These latter do not make good matches in any one sense of the word. Thestruggling barrister, the clerk, the curate, the brainless masher—suchare their prey; and if they make richer prizes than these, still thematch cannot be called good; presently there is dis-union as theclever husband finds the pretty but nonsensical wife utterly unable tofollow him through the paths of life that Fate has opened out to him.
It is a common idea that men care only for beauty, and are to beattracted by no lesser virtue—if virtue it may be called. This is amost gross error that even the earliest of our thinkers has laid bare.What says Thomas Carew:
"But a smooth and steadfast mind,
Gentle thoughts and calm desires,
Hearts with equal love combined,
Kindle never-dying fires:—
Where these are not, I despise
Lovely cheeks or lips or eyes."
We see, then, that there are things more desirable to the masculinemind than the mere charms of the flesh. To be beautiful is a goodthing, for which we should thank Nature—to be attractive, morally,rather than physically, is, however, a thing for which we should thankNature even more, if she be good enough to have endowed us with thatlasting quality. Let a girl learn once for all that her littleschoolgirl airs and graces can please only the unintellectual of hers