E-text prepared by Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram,
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PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOLUME 158, Jan-Jul 1920
June 9, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
Owing to heavy storms the otherday one thousand London telephoneswere thrown out of order. Very fewsubscribers noticed the difference.
A camera capable of photographingthe most rapid moving objects in theworld is the latest invention of anAmerican. There is some talk of histrying to photograph a bricklayer whizzingalong at his work.
"Perjury is now rampantin all our Courts and thereseems to be no way of preventingit," declares a well-knownjudge. Surely ifthey did away with the oaththis grievance would soondisappear.
"With goodwill on bothsides," said Lord Rothschildrecently, "the Jewswill make a success of colonisingtheir own country."There will have to be assetsas well as goodwill, it isthought, if they are to bemade to feel thoroughly athome.
Mr. George Beer, theman who built the firstglass houses in this country,has died at Worthing. Theman who threw the firststone from inside has notyet been identified, butsuspicion points to SirFrederick Banbury.
When the police order youto move on, said the Thamesmagistrate, it is better to goin the long run. Others declarethat it is quite sufficientto melt from view at abusinesslike waddle.
"The only way to get houses," saysthe Marylebone magistrate, "is to buildthem." The idea of knitting a fewseems to have been overlooked.
We understand that the Scotsmanwho was injured in the rush outside thepost-office on the last night of the three-halfpennypostage, is now able to getabout with the help of a stick.
New motor vehicles to take the placeof the "Black Marias" are now beingused between Brixton Gaol and BowStreet. Customers who contemplatearrest should book early to avoid thecongestion.
Signor Marconi has failed to get intotouch with Mars. At the same timewe are asked to deny the rumour thatcommunication has been establishedbetween Lord Northcliffe and thePremier.
"Comedians," says a stage paper,"are born, not made." This disposesof the impression that too many ofthem do it on purpose.
Flapper. "Oh—and I want some peroxide. Er—it's forcleaning hairbrushes, isn't it?"
It has been established in the Courtof Appeal that the farther north you gothe larger are people's feet. Surprisehas been expressed at the comparativelysmall number of Metropolitan policemenwho hail from Spitzbergen.
Sydney Richardson, the Londonmessenger-boy who went to Americafor Mr. Darewski, has just returned.It is said that one American wanted tokeep him as a souvenir and offered hima job as a paper-weight for his desk.
T