This beginning-part is not made outof anybody’s head, you know. It’s real.You must believe this beginning-part more than what comes after,else you won’t understand how what comes after came to bewritten. You must believe it all; but you must believe thismost, please. I am the editor of it. Bob Redforth(he’s my cousin, and shaking the table on purpose) wantedto be the editor of it; but I said he shouldn’t because hecouldn’t. He has no idea of being aneditor.
Nettie Ashford is my bride. We were married in theright-hand closet in the corner of the dancing-school, wherefirst we met, with a ring (a green one) from Wilkingwater’stoy-shop. I owed for it out of mypocket-money. When the rapturous ceremony was over, we allfour went up the lane and let off a cannon (brought loaded in BobRedforth’s waistcoat-pocket) to announce ournuptials. It flew right up when it went off, and turnedover. Next day, Lieut.-Col. Robin Redforth was united, withsimilar ceremonies, to Alice Rainbird. This time the cannonburst with a most terrific explosion, and made a puppy bark.
My peerless bride was, at the period of which we now treat, incaptivity at Miss Grimmer’s. Drowvey and Grimmer isthe partnership, and opinion is divided which is the greatestbeast. The lovely bride of the colonel was also immured inthe dungeons of the same establishment. A vow was enteredinto, between the colonel and myself, that we would cut them outon the following Wednesday when walking two and two.
Under the desperate circumstances of the case, the activebrain of the colonel, combining with his lawless pursuit (he is apirate), suggested an attack with fireworks. This, however,from motives of humanity, was abandoned as too expensive.
Lightly armed with a paper-knife buttoned up under his jacket,and waving the dreaded black flag at the end of a cane, thecolonel took command of me at two P.M. on the eventful and appointedday. He had drawn out the plan of attack on a piece ofpaper, which was rolled up round a hoop-stick. He showed itto me. My position and my full-length portrait (but my realears don’t stick out horizontal) was behind a cornerlamp-post, with written orders to remain there till I should seeMiss Drowvey fall. The Drowvey who was to fall was the onein spectacles, not the one with the large lavender bonnet.At that signal I was to rush forth, seize my bride, and fight myway to the lane. There a junction would be effected betweenmyself and the colonel; and putting our brides behind us, betweenourselves and the palings, we were to conquer or die.
The enemy appeared,—approached. Waving his blackflag, the colonel attacked. Confusion ensued.Anxiously I awaited my signal; but my signal came not. Sofar from falling, the hated Drowvey in spectacles appeared to meto have muffled the colonel’s head in his outlawed banner,and to be pitching into him with a parasol. The one in thelavender bonnet also performed prodigies of valour with her fistson his back. Seeing that all was for the moment lost, Ifought my desperate way hand to hand to the lane. Throughtaking the back road, I was so fortunate as to meet nobody, andarrived there uninterrupted.
It seemed an age ere the colonel joined me. He had beento the jobbing tailor’s to be sewn up in several places,and attributed our defeat to the refusal of the detested Drowveyto fall. Finding her so obstinate, he had said to her,‘Die, recreant!’ but had found her no more open toreason on that point than the other.
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