Oh, leave it to the bureaucrats andthey'll figure out new ways to makeyou buy more and more.... Butthere was only one way the poorconsumer could rise up in his wrath.
"I've sweated for months overthe plans for this campaign,"Captain Wesley Winfree told theMajor. "Just nod, sir; that's allI ask; and I'll throw my forcesinto the field."
"I admire your audacity, Winfree,"Major Stanley Dampfersaid, "but don't you think we'dbe wise to consolidate our currentpositions before launching afresh offensive?"
Captain Winfree, straightin his scarlet-trimmed wintergreens, tapped the toe of oneboot with his swagger-stick."With all respect, sir," he said,"I feel that if we do no morethan hold the line, we're lendingmoral comfort to the foes ofprosperity. Attack! That's mybattle-plan, sir. Attack! And attackagain!"
Major Dampfer, seated behindWinfree's desk, stretched out hislegs and sighed. "You youngerofficers, men who've never inyour lives tasted defeat, are aninspiration and a trial to us oldfield-graders," he said. "Captain,a project that failed couldset your District back fifteenyears."
"I realize that, sir," Winfreesaid. "I'm placing my career inthe balance. If I attempt this,and goof, ship me to the sticks,Major. I'd rather spend the restof my BSG years as a corporal,a simple Potlatch Observer in adownstate village, than never tohave embarked on this campaign."
"Young Napoleon must havebeen very like you, Winfree,"Major Dampfer mused. "Verywell, lad. Brief me."
"Yes, sir!" Captain Winfreemarched over to the giant calendarthat covered one wall ofhis office and tapped his stickagainst the three dates circled inred. "We've established this triangleof strong-points," he said."We control the second Sundayin May and the third Sunday inJune in addition to our first andmost vital holding, the twenty-fifthof December. I regard thesethree victories, sir, as onlybeachheads, only the softening-upphases of a still greater campaign.We must press on towardTotal Prosperity."
"How, Winfree?" MajorDampfer asked.
"By adding three hundred andsixty-two days a year to our laurels,sir," Winfree said, sweepinghis swagger-stick across theface of the calendar. "My planis to make every consumer'sbirthday a Gratuity Day for eachof his Nearest-and-Dearest."
Major Dampfer sat upstraight. "Captain," he said softly,"this is Thinking Big. Thiscould lend billions a year to theGross National Product. It couldmean a major break-through onthe Prosperity front. Are youreally proposing that each consumerbe required to give birthdaypresents to the same people,and on the same scale, as he nowgives Xmas Gratuities?"
"Precisely, sir," Captain Winfreesaid. "My staff has in thefiles the birthdate of every consumerin the District. Enforcementof the new quotas I proposewill be no more difficultthan the old: the same scale offines for non-compliance, thesame terms of imprisonment forrepeated offenses will be imposed.The dates-of-destruction tobe marked on Birthday Gratuitieswill be set as the next PotlatchDay, plus one year. Merchandisewill be marked with theyear-date precisely as is nowdone for Xmas, Dad's Day, andMom's Day gifts. Birthday-cardswill be addressed and sent fromthis office, just like Xmas cards."
Major Dampfer stood anddrew on his uniform gauntlets."May I assume that you've coveredthe field public-relations-wise?"he asked.
"Yes, sir," Captain Winfreesaid. "I've composed a slogan forthis year's drive in my District:'Make the Magi Come the Year'Round—Birthday Gratuities forA