PUNCH,OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 109.
October 19, 1895.
"Poor little Dickey Birds! Dear little Dickey Birds!"
THE THIRTY-ONE-AND-SIXPENNYDREADFUL.
(By Mr. Punch's Own High-Class PoliceNews Reporter.)
At the Grosvenor Square Criminal Courtthe case of Lady d'Edbroke came on forhearing at the head of the list. Interest inthis alleged crime in high life drew togethera vast galaxy of Society women, and HisWorship was with difficulty accommodatedwith a seat on the bench. Opera-glasses ruledfrom one-and-sixpence-in-the-slot. Thefirst charge brought against her ladyship wasthat of refusing alimony to her husband. Asecond dealt with the desertion of her children.
The prosecution undertook to prove that SirBenedick had been found at night on thedoorstep of the d'Edbroke Mansion without alatchkey or other visible means of subsistence.Lady d'Edbroke (née Swag) was describedas the daughter of a wealthyBirmingham manufacturer of antiques. Byher marriage into the ancient and honourablehouse of the d'Edbrokes she had relieved thefortunes of the three-and-twentieth baronet,whose assets at the moment had been nil.Two children had been born of the marriage,and these had recently been discovered in astate of emaciation in a Park Lane crèche.
Counsel would call her ladyship's maid togive evidence of the kind of literature towhich her mistress had been addicted. Thatdomestic would admit that she (the domestic),being bored by the feeble and fatuouscharacter of the Penny Dreadful as a guideto immorality, had been in the habit ofutilizing her mistress's left-off thirty-one-and-sixpennyand other expensive shockers.He hoped to show that this class of work,though not above the level of the PennyDreadful in point of literary qualities, was ofa mere seductive piquancy. At the time ofthe prisoner's arrest her drawing-room andboudoir were littered with printed matter,from the titles of which he would select fourspecimens: A Melodrama of Spasms, TheSuperfluous Male, A Neo-Platonic Passion,An Edenless Adam. From the last of thesehe ventured to read an extract or two, in theselection of which he had been assisted bythe pencil marks and marginal comments ofthe prisoner. The book, he might add, wasfrom a lending library.
"A veritable Dian, flame-red with theshame of maternity, the young mother oftwins faced her cowed and miserable husband.Mentally she threw up the sponge ready forthe next round, for she had still a shot in herlocker with which to run a mucker."
Council here explained that the writer, asimple woman, was still feeling her way inthe use of sporting language.
"'James,' she said, 'I was an ignorant girlwhen I married you for your wealth, you mefor my beauty of soul. There I thought thatthe bargain had ended. How was I to knowthat women have a tendency to bear children?No one ever pointed out to me any precedentfor this. In my innocence it had neverocc