This eBook was produced by David Widger
Cum pulchris tunicis sumet nova consilia et spes.
—Horace.
And look always that they be shape,
What garment that thou shalt make
Of him that can best do
With all that pertaineth thereto.
—Romaunt of the Rose
How well I can remember the feelings with which I entered London, andtook possession of the apartments prepared for me at Mivart's. A year hadmade a vast alteration in my mind; I had ceased to regard pleasure forits own sake, I rather coveted its enjoyments, as the great sources ofworldly distinction. I was not the less a coxcomb than heretofore, northe less a voluptuary, nor the less choice in my perfumes, nor the lessfastidious in my horses and my dress; but I viewed these matters in alight wholly different from that in which I had hitherto regarded them.Beneath all the carelessness of my exterior, my mind was close, keen, andinquiring; and under the affectations of foppery, and the levity of amanner almost unique, for the effeminacy of its tone, I veiled anambition the most extensive in its object, and a resolution the mostdaring in the accomplishment of its means.
I was still lounging over my breakfast, on the second morning of myarrival, when Mr. N—, the tailor, was announced.
"Good morning, Mr. Pelham; happy to see you returned. Do I disturb youtoo early? shall I wait on you again?"
"No, Mr. N—, I am ready to receive you; you may renew my measure."
"We are a very good figure, Mr. Pelham; very good figure," replied theSchneider, surveying me from head to foot, while he was preparing hismeasure; "we want a little assistance though; we must be padded wellhere; we must have our chest thrown out, and have an additional inchacross the shoulders; we must live for effect in this world, Mr. Pelham;a leetle tighter round the waist, eh?"
"Mr. N—," said I, "you will take, first, my exact measure, and,secondly, my exact instructions. Have you done the first?"
"We are done now, Mr. Pelham," replied my man-maker, in a slow, solemntone.
"You will have the goodness then to put no stuffing of any description inmy coat; you will not pinch me an iota tighter across the waist than isnatural to that part of my body, and you will please, in your infinitemercy, to leave me as much after the fashion in which God made me, as youpossibly can."
"But, Sir, we must be padded; we are much too thin; all the gentlemen inthe Life Guards are padded, Sir."
"Mr. N—," answered I, "you will please to speak of us, with a separate,and not a collective pronoun; and you will let me for once have myclothes such as a gentleman, who, I beg of you to understand, is not aLife Guardsman, can wear without being mistaken for a Guy Fawkes on afifth of November."
Mr. N—looked very discomfited: "We shall not be liked, Sir, when we aremade—we sha'n't, I assure you. I will call on Saturday at 11 o'clock.Good morning, Mr. Pelham; we shall never be done justice to, if we do notlive for effect; good morning, Mr. Pelham."
Scarcely had Mr. N—retired, before Mr.—, his rival, appeared. Thesilence and austerity of this importation from Austria, were veryrefreshing after the orations of Mr. N—.
"Two frock-coats, Mr.—," said I, "one of them brown, velvet collar samecolour; the other, dark grey, no stu