THE PRUDE'S PROGRESS

A Comedy

In Three Acts

By Jerome K. Jerome
and Eden Phillpotts

London:

Chatto & Windus

1895






PERSONS IN THE PLAY.

Jack Medbury

Ted Morris.

Adam Cherry,

Theodore Travers

Ben Dixon L.C.C., M.V.A.

Footman.

Mrs. Wheedles

Nelly Morris.

Primrose Deane

Mrs. Ben Dixon






CONTENTS

THE FIRST ACT.

THE SECOND ACT.

THE THIRD ACT.








THE FIRST ACT.

The scene represents a room high up in a Bloomsbury lodging-house. It is poorly, but not sordidly, furnished; and here and there are touches of taste, and some attempt at comfort. Nelly Morris, a young girl, dressed in a very old frock, the shabbiness of which she has attempted to hide by various feminine devices, is discovered sitting L. of table. A pile of medical books, topped by a skull, faces her. She is sitting with her elbows on table, her head in her hands, looking up at, and talking to, the skull.

NELLY MORRIS.

Did you ever know what it was to be poor-real poor I mean? Do you know what Ted and I have got for dinner? Three sausages between us! That's one and a half—no, two for him because he's working, and one for me. And do you know what I am longing for more than anything else in the world? A great plate of roast beef—heaps of beef—and Yorkshire pudding and potatoes—large potatoes. (Sniffs in the air.) Did you ever feel like that? Did you ever try studying for an exam, on bread-and-butter for breakfast, bread-and-butter for dinner (when it won't run to the sausages), and bread, without butter, for supper, like poor Ted has to? Do you think he'll be able to learn enough on it to pass? Do you? (Breaking down.) Ah! you only grin at it all. 'Tis funny, isn't it? (Laughing hysterically.) I suppose we shall grin at it all when we are as old as you.

(The door at back opens, and Mrs. Wheedles, an old lady of the Mrs. Gummidge type, enters. Nelly hastily wipes away her tears.)

MRS. WHEEDLES.

Oh! my dear, you gave me quite a turn. I made sure you'd got someone here.

NELLY MORRIS.

Only old Tapley, Mrs. Wheedles. I talk to him about my worries and he teaches me to laugh at them. Do you see how he's smiling? (Takes skull and shows its face to Mrs Wheedles.)

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(Pushing it away.) Oh, my dear, don't. You make me feel quite creepy. I do wish your brother wouldn't leave his bones about as he does. It's really hardly decent.

NELLY MORRIS.

We'll put something over him. (Takes the skull to mantelpiece and ties pocket-handkerchief round it.) You are shocking the susceptibilities of the British Matron, Mr. Tapley. You must be dressed.

...

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